Culture vs. Doctrine

Attempting to answer an age-old question that kind of misses the point.

Hi everyone! Today I’m going to attempt to answer a question I received on YouTube. I went on the Not For Everyone podcast to talk with host and my dear friend Caroline, and it was a lovely conversation. We talked about making meaningful friendships, creating a freelance career, and of course, leaving religion. You can listen anywhere you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube.

Here’s the question I received in the comments:

Loved this!! Ab[i], I have a question! I was raised in the [Mormon] church and am still very much an active member. My parents were a bit more… hippydippy?? I really think I had a unique lds upbringing where I didn’t feel afraid or ashamed or controlled, but I can see how some of my friends were raised opposite to me. Do you feel, growing up in Utah, that your experience of the church may be a bit tainted by the culture there? We are in Oregon and I just feel like the members here are soooo different, much more individualistic and our testimony meetings rock hahaha honestly going to BYU was SUCH a culture shock for me and I just think soooo muuuuchhhh of the “exodus” we are seeing is culture vs doctrine. My parents put a strong emphasis on personal relationship with Christ vs a check list of rules and thou shalts… I am raising my own kids similarly and I love the deep questions they bring me, I feel like they’re having an even more meaningful experience younger than I did because they’re comfortable asking questions and doing research. I would love love your thoughts on this, if you’re willing!! I’m genuinely eager to hear your thoughts.

I love that this commenter had such a nuanced upbringing. I felt similarly when I still went to church after moving to Virginia and then DC. People here just have such a different view of the world; we live in one of the most diverse places in the United States, and rubbing shoulders with people from all walks of life can really open anyone to new ideas. Even if they were full-believing members, I felt a difference talking to Mormons here about church culture, or even American culture—less walls up, less fear about what we don’t understand.

Utah is super homogenous both in terms of diversity and belief. Places like Salt Lake City have diversified over the years I’ve been away, and the percentage of Mormons in the state has actually gone down quite a bit. In 2010, when I was a sophomore in high school, the state was 69% Mormon. Now, in 2025, it’s more like 42%. Mormons moved out, people from out of state moved in, maybe some members left the church, but either way, Utah’s culture is shifting. In fact, the most recent PEW Research Center Religious Landscape Study says “of those raised in the [Mormon] church, a bit more than half—54%—still identify with the faith as adults (down from 70%.)” That’s wild! Still, from what I can tell, the church rules Utah politically and culturally in many ways.

It’s funny—I was always taught growing up that Mormon members outside of Utah had it harder than me, because they would really have to live their beliefs. People would be watching them, seeing how they prove themselves as true believers of Jesus Christ. But, having talked to Mormon members who grew up outside of Utah, I think it’s actually the opposite: Utah Mormons had the culture of surveillance, and people outside of Mormonism didn’t really care what we were up to.

I think this is the culture the commenter is hinting at. Mormonism is just kind of intense in Utah. Most people believe the same things, so we can tell when people are disobeying the rules. I remember, for instance, watching boys my age bless and pass the sacrament, knowing that they’d done something inappropriate the night before at someone’s party, and wondering if they were really worthy to perform their priesthood duty. What a world!

Still, the culture vs. doctrine argument is one I’ve heard often, and been asked often enough, that I figure I should comment on it. “Culture” has become this broad-sweeping term for everything a member might be offended by—maybe a bishop saying something out of line, or another member passing judgement, or the pushback one might feel about doing something against the grain. These types of things are surely annoying, and possibly do fuel member’s reasons for leaving, but I think “culture” is also an easy copout for the doctrine that informs it.

To me, Mormon doctrine and culture are intertwined like a cancer wrapped around an organ. Okay, maybe that’s too bleak. But the surveillance, for instance, wouldn’t be so strong if the doctrine didn’t mandate the rules we follow. Our doctrine told us to not drink coffee. This means anyone walking around with a Starbucks cup would get a few double takes. I remember people telling me, panicked, “It’s just hot chocolate” so many times. Our doctrine told us to be chaste, so we’d gossip about the girls and boys who crossed our made-up line of purity. Our doctrine told us to wear our knee-length temple garments night and day, and so if a member was caught wearing a mini skirt, there were whispers galore.

In a place like Oregon or DC, people are not scrutinizing each other’s moves as harshly, because there is diversity of thought and belief. There are no set rules. Many people don’t even know Mormons aren’t allowed to drink coffee, so they wouldn’t even think twice if they saw a Mormon acquaintance with a Starbucks cup. This, I believe, is what the commenter is getting at. Her upbringing seems to be more lax in this way—her parents seemed to be chiller about rules, and she seemed less bogged down with all of the things Utah Mormons might have asked her to be. I actually can’t even imagine how much of a culture shock it would be for her to attend BYU, which is Utah culture on steroids, as far as I’ve heard. I refused to even apply to BYU when I was in high school, knowing even then that its extra rules (like, men can’t have beards when they take tests??) would make me go insane.

I do believe I would have left the church regardless of where I grew up. Of course, I can’t know that for sure, but I do know myself. Utah’s Mormon culture was a bit much, yes, but it was ultimately the doctrine that I didn’t agree with. Mine is not a unique story in this way, really: I didn’t agree with the church’s LGBTQIA+ policies, or with the church’s racist history it still refuses to apologize for, or with the church’s doctrine about plural marriage in heaven, or with the church’s general patriarchal structure, among other things. When the base of an organization doesn’t feel right, why would I dedicate my life to it?

Something I’ve noticed about holding such stringent beliefs is that you can really only go deeper into one story if you want to stay faithful. When I was in the process of leaving the church, I was emotionally exhausted from running in circles trying to make questionable doctrine make sense. Maybe this random prophet’s teachings from 1978 can help justify racism! Maybe that random church member’s thoughts from a 1901 General Conference can help me understand polygamy in the afterlife! Maybe this random, vague scripture verse can put a blanket over my fears and questions, calming me for a moment, until I get so hot and claustrophobic I have to throw it off and face the issues head on. For me, this dissonance could only hold for so long.

All this to say, I wouldn’t be so quick to label a Mormon member’s exodus as a culture issue. Or at least, I would reframe what a “culture issue” actually means. With deep, existential questions, there are no easy answers. And “culture” as a concept, is the easiest and most comfortable answer out there, in my opinion. Leaving the Mormon church is almost always deeper than that. I’m part of a Facebook group that’s dedicated to women who have left or are questioning the Mormon church, and their impetus’ for leaving are vast and varied—and I would say with confidence that not many had to do with culture solely.

I love that this commenter seems to be carrying on the nuanced way her parents raised her. I love that her kids seem like they can question and do research and look beyond one moral framework. Like I said in the podcast episode linked above, I do think it’s helpful for humans to have something to believe in—I just don’t think their beliefs should dictate what others are doing with their lives. That includes even the most “harmless” aspects of surveillance culture.

I was often taught growing up that spirituality should be personal—a teaching that felt incongruous with the culture. I knew I’d get pushback for leaving the church, but I was surprised at the arguments about why me leaving was ruining everybody else’s lives. People often ask me why I left the church, but not many ask me what I believe now. I get it—I tend to also focus on the leaving part. But none of the process—the before, the during, the after—is a simple answer. There’s just…so much more to the story.

Baby me, in Oregon (! I think? Maybe Washington) trying to block out the noise. ;)

P.S. I was actually born in Oregon! I’m jealous the commenter lives there. Sometimes when I was bored on my mission in Texas, I would tell Mormon members I was from Oregon instead of Utah because I was tired of being “just another Utah Mormon.” People’s reactions—usually widened eyes, maybe a gasp—were worth it; anything out of the ordinary was a delight to everyone. I always told the truth in the end: I only lived in Oregon until I was about four years old, but I do have sweet memories of our old white house with the green shutters, playing in the basement with my sisters, and walking on the misty tree-lined roads. I’d live there again in a heartbeat.